Voldie and the Butterfly
by Username is a work in progress
Summary: What if Lily and James Potter never died, if Voldemort chose Neville? And why would he? Maybe because of a butterfly?  My first fanfic, so please be nice. Oneshot... Thanks


**Moldy Voldie and the butterfly**

**Bit of a crack!fic I guess… This was my first fic, so I came back and revised a teeny bit… We always knew our dearest Tommy wasn't the brains of the operation.**

**Disclaimer: I'd like to say I own it all, but if I did, JKR wouldn't be happy.. I own nothing... But the talking, imaginary butterfly. Don't sue **

As Voldemort strode along, he began hearing voices... Again. Ah well, must come with the power, only problem was, he thought the voice was a butterfly. But hopefully the death of Harry Potter would solve it.

*Who's Parry Hotter?* not the butterfly again, Voldemort thought..What must people think of him, talking to an imaginary butterfly? But he must... The voices told him to! How could he resist? Though Parry _Hotter _sounded awfully awkward. Tom Riddle almost tittered like a little girl

"Not Parry Hotter, Harry Potter. I need to kill him." Voldemort said matter- of -factly, as if that cleared things up. Apparently it didn't for the butterfly.

*Oh, right... But why?*

Voldemort sighed " I heard in a prophecy that one of us has to kill the other in the end, and I don't plan on letting him kill me! Plus, I'm more important than him, he's only a baby." At this comment, the butterfly was appalled.

*You're going to kill a _baby_?*

"Yes I am, but only because it's me or him! Do I look like I want to die?" He yelled angrily. Thankfully, no-one was present, because that type of thing really tends to ruin your reputation.

*oh kay... Couldn't you wait until he's older? That'd be more fair...*

"Death isn't fair, you moronic butterfly."

*I'm a happy butterfly!* Voldemort closed his eyes, exasperated. He sincerely hoped this was a normal thing for people with so much power.

* So this prophecy, it said " Voldie has to kill Harry Potter, or Harry Potter has to kill Voldie?*

" Don't **call **me Voldie!"

*you didn't answer my question, moldy Voldie.*

"MY NAME IS NOT VOLDIE, OR MOLDY VOLDIE, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN COME UP WITH FOR THAT MATTER! ! no, the prophecy said a boy born at the end of june whose parents had defied me 3 times.." After screaming, this statement was finished in a remarkably calm and blasé manner.

The butterfly pondered this for a moment, while Voldemort thought. People must think he was a nutjob.. Oh, well, as soon as the Potter boy was dead, it would go away. And they were almost there, too.

*I thought your name was Voldemort! And now you tell me you have no name! You lied to me! I- I just don't know who to trust anymore!* Voldemort had the oddest urge to comfort the sobbing voice in his head, which would be incredibly _wrongwrongwrong._

" I chose the name Voldemort."

* What do you mean, you _chose_ your name? I felt sorry for you because i thought your mother named you Voldemort. I thought, aw, poor guy, his mommy named him something crazy like Voldemort* luckily for the butterfly, Voldemort didn't have time to track him down and crush him, because the Potters' house was looming above him.

Voldemort, or 'Voldie' as the butterfly called him, simply marched in, but the butterfly had other thoughts.

* This is where Parry lives? It's HUGE!*

'Voldie' sighed "Harry, not Parry, and yes."

So on they marched. The butterfly, breaking the silence (though only in the dark wizard's head.) said,

*HAHAHA… I'm a butterfly. A butt-er-fly… Gettit? I'm a butt who can, er, fly!* This immaturity was right on Tom Riddle's level, and the man doubled over with laughter. When he composed himself, he was shocked see that they had arrived.

Never one to knock, Voldemort blasted through the front door (rather rude, don't you think?)

James Potter came sliding down the staircase, landing on the floor with a muffled thud. His face was white as death but determined.

"You can have me." He said, his voice quaking. "Just don't… Don't hurt Lily and Harry… Please." For all the good it did, he could have been begging to a wall.

"Stand aside." With his intentions of killing Harry clear, James blanched even further, and shook his head.

"What a waste. You always were a stubborn boy. You would've done better with me." James shook his head resolutely, spreading his arms in the doorway as if to stop the dark wizard.

Voldemort tutted sadly

" No? You're sure? Well, your choice. As they say, only the good die young. It pays better to be bad. And," he added brightly "We have cookies. The internal battle withing James was obvious

"Cookies? Really? Lily adores cookies." Lily's name snapped him back to reality

"Never in a million years."

"A lot can change in a million years, young man. Avada Ke"-

*Neville Longbottom!*

"What?" Voldemort said?

"What?" James said.

Voldemort, highly irritated by this point, re-centerd his aim and said,

" Avada Ke"-

*Neville Longbottom!*

"Why do you keep saying that? Can't you see that I'm busy?"

* Well, I would've thought it was obvious! Don't kill Barry! Neville Longbottom meets all the details too! See, I'm smart!* A look of shock and understanding dawned on Voldemort's face, and he almost forgot where he was.

"Brilliant! You're absolutely right! Oh, why didn't I think of that?"

*Well, we all know _you _aren't the brains of the operation. I'm the smart one here." Luckily for the imaginary butterfly, the noseless man was distracted.

By now James Potter was looking very confused "Are you talking to yourself?"

Voldemort wasn't happy with that butterfly." Well, no , I... It's a long story.." and then,trying to look in the general direction of the butterfly, he added

" Why didn't I think of that!" and disapparated.

THE END!

**A/N did you like it? Please R&R! If you liked it, that is... If you hated it, well...I accept constructive criticism as well. Sorry if it was too long, too short, too boring, etc.. Anyway,if you review i'll give you... A cyber-cookie! Or, if you hate cookies( cookie hater...) I'll give you a cyber- chocolate bar, or something, anything! Just review! Thanks!**

**Lily the Amazing Evans**


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